Here’s some useless things I learned while I was at Beyond Wonderland 2011

1. People at raves are the nicest people in the world. They’ll just give you shit for free. Am I right? 

2. Dubstep sounds progressively better the bigger the speakers are. 

3. Security there sucks. They won’t let you bring in lights or chapstick but I swear I saw a 10-year-old kid there.  -_-

4. You can fart at a rave and absolutely no one will care. In fact, they’ll probably be like “dang what’s that funky smell? I kind of like it!” 

5. standing in the first 20 rows = awesome, first 10 rows = beyond awesome, first 3 rows= prepare to be violated and groped. 

I was going to make a big ass list of things I’m going to miss about Beijing. The goal was to make it a funny/entertaining list. But then I realized that deep down there’s only one real thing I’ll actually long for. I’ll miss you, Happy Lemon.

There’s still about 5 videos and other random posts I want to share. I’ve just been way too lazy. Hopefully I’ll get around to that. But for now, off to Formosa!

Here’s a list of random and unrelated updates. Some are meant to be informational, others entertaining. Hopefully I don’t forget anything =/

+ We finally moved out of Star City and Room 1801 =( because we weren’t paying another month and weren’t down to pay the nightly rate. But my dad’s friend Uncle Arthur helped booked us a very chic and modern hotel called FX. It’s uber awesome for reasons I will later describe =)=)

+ Tiffany went back to the US so it’s just us dudes yay.

+ Kobe jerseys I’ve seen in China = 23. Rockets Jerseys= 12. Lebron Jerseys= 1. HA

+ My dad was able to alter my flight schedule so that I leave for Taipei August 7 and then LA August 11. 4 days on the absolute greatest island in the universe?!?!?! Nice! I’m excited to go clubbing with my grandmas.

+ GT Banana is one of the coolest clubs in Beijing. In addition to it’s bouncing floors (awesome) and rising stages, it’s got cool lights, fog machines, bubbles, lazers, neon-lit bar, ceiling mirrors, good house music, the works. I wish I could’ve seen Tiesto perform there. Too bad more expats don’t know about it, and uh too bad Chris and Erik never made it to the door LOL.

+ My last days in Beijing are meant for relaxation and money conservation. No meals over 15 rmb, and plenty of reading and watching TV. Ah….. :]

This last week Scott and Abby flew up to Beijing so we could continue what we started in Shanghai the week before. Room 1801 promised them luxury and fun, and I hope that we did not disappoint. And… to preserve the upstanding, morally laudable nature of my blog, I’m going to stop right here and talk about something completely unrelated.

I have 17 days left in China. I’m going to enjoy every moment of it. But here is a list of stuff I miss from home, arranged in reverse descending phonetic order.

1. family
2. my bros (Sean, Waldo, Cody, Steve)
3. my hos (Gordon, Iris Ko) [Hah jk iris, but not you gordon]
4. sarcasm
5. freedom of speech
6. driving my car
7. PS3
8. Chipotle, Chick-fil-a, chili-cheese fries, pastrami, jamba, popeyes mashed potatoes, alondra’s hot wings, buffalo sauce, pho minh, hot cheetos, CPK, lime-chili Lays, cherry slurpees, Boiling Crab, In-n-out, man I’m hungry now.

WTF the video of the World Expo I want to post WON’T... so I’ll just have to talk about something else for a while.

Alas, after minutes of research and studying, I’ve compiled a quick guide that’ll teach any normal person how to talk with a Beijing Accent. Enjoy :)

Step 1: Clear Your Throat. With all the weird noises you’ll be making, you don’t want to choke on your own spit.

Step 2: Make a Double-Chin. Push your head back as far as possible so that the skin underneath your chin rolls in on itself. This is very important to keep in mind. Remember that this may be easier for some people, and harder for others. For those of you who have a hard time making a double chin, damn you.

Step 3: Practice Your -AR and -ER endings. The secret to the Beijing accent is curling your tongue back to a point where it feels like you’re going to gag (which explains the double chin), and then elongating your AR, ER, and UR’s until you run out of breath.

Try it Yourself! (Practice saying out loud the following words in the manner aforementioned in Step 3. And don’t forget about Step 2, either.)

furrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
scarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Cherrrrrrr
charrrrrrrrrrrmanderrrrrrrrrr
penis

LOL if all went according to plan, then I just made you say penis out loud! harharhar

Examples:Here is a conversation between 2 people

Aaron: Hellerrrrrrrr :)

Beijing Guy: Herrgh.

Aaron: Can errr have er turmurrrrrrrrrrrrr?

As you can see, I just asked this nice man for a tomato. It’s really not that hard once you have the hang of it.

Testimonials: I truly believe that this guide will help you communicate better with the locals if you ever come to Beijing, even if you are speaking English. I believe that you can literally take any random sound or vocal projection, and so long as you end it with an ER AR or UR, elongate it, and speak it like you mean it, it will translate into something Chinese.

Good luck!

Man Shanghai was crazy… both good and bad.There’s too much to write, and I’m too lazy, so I’ll just give the highlights. Sorry about the lack of posts. Internet at my hotel was as bad as Kwame Brown.

I don’t think that Tiffany, or any girl in the world, seems to know the meaning of packing light. When we decided to share a suitcase for our short trip, I thought that we would have more than enough room to fit both our clothes. But when I went into my room to grab my bare essentials and came back out again, Tiff had already managed to pack her entire life in there. I write about this only because my mother, and my sister, and my grandmother, all act the same way. Have they watched “Up in the Air?” 

The city was just as fun as it was during spring break. My uncle was nice enough to get us a hotel, and my cousin Wen took us out to dinner a few times. Thank you family! It was also great hanging out with all the Shanghai interns, and going to M2 (since it was being remodeled last time).

The low point on the trip came Friday, when I was literally in bed all day because I looked and felt like death.

Here are some crappy photos. Better ones (with me in it) are on tiffany and dustin’s cameras.

Video of the Inside of Australia to come.

The Chinese Pavillion was FREAKING BIG

Looked AWESOME but nothing’s worth a 5 hour wait.

My boy Taiwan.