WTF the video of the World Expo I want to post WON’T... so I’ll just have to talk about something else for a while.

Alas, after minutes of research and studying, I’ve compiled a quick guide that’ll teach any normal person how to talk with a Beijing Accent. Enjoy :)

Step 1: Clear Your Throat. With all the weird noises you’ll be making, you don’t want to choke on your own spit.

Step 2: Make a Double-Chin. Push your head back as far as possible so that the skin underneath your chin rolls in on itself. This is very important to keep in mind. Remember that this may be easier for some people, and harder for others. For those of you who have a hard time making a double chin, damn you.

Step 3: Practice Your -AR and -ER endings. The secret to the Beijing accent is curling your tongue back to a point where it feels like you’re going to gag (which explains the double chin), and then elongating your AR, ER, and UR’s until you run out of breath.

Try it Yourself! (Practice saying out loud the following words in the manner aforementioned in Step 3. And don’t forget about Step 2, either.)

furrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
scarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Cherrrrrrr
charrrrrrrrrrrmanderrrrrrrrrr
penis

LOL if all went according to plan, then I just made you say penis out loud! harharhar

Examples:Here is a conversation between 2 people

Aaron: Hellerrrrrrrr :)

Beijing Guy: Herrgh.

Aaron: Can errr have er turmurrrrrrrrrrrrr?

As you can see, I just asked this nice man for a tomato. It’s really not that hard once you have the hang of it.

Testimonials: I truly believe that this guide will help you communicate better with the locals if you ever come to Beijing, even if you are speaking English. I believe that you can literally take any random sound or vocal projection, and so long as you end it with an ER AR or UR, elongate it, and speak it like you mean it, it will translate into something Chinese.

Good luck!